Quote's you'd swear DSG made....

Discussion in 'MWT Community Bulletin Board' started by callaojoe, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. callaojoe

    callaojoe Máistir an pointe hocht.

    Jan 21, 2004
    N/C Missouri
    These are all quotes from W.C. Fields, but if you replace his name with DSG as the author, no one would have a hard time beleiveing it, me thinks....:stickfight:

    A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
    W. C. Fields

    A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
    W. C. Fields

    Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
    W. C. Fields

    Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
    W. C. Fields

    Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
    W. C. Fields

    Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
    W. C. Fields

    Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
    W. C. Fields

    Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
    W. C. Fields

    Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
    W. C. Fields

    I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
    W. C. Fields

    I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
    W. C. Fields

    I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
    W. C. Fields

    I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
    W. C. Fields

    I drink therefore I am.
    W. C. Fields

    I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.
    W. C. Fields

    I like children - fried.
    W. C. Fields

    I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
    W. C. Fields

    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
    W. C. Fields

    I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
    W. C. Fields

    I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
    W. C. Fields

    I never met a kid I liked.
    W. C. Fields

    I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
    W. C. Fields

    I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
    W. C. Fields

    If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
    W. C. Fields

    If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
    W. C. Fields

    If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
    W. C. Fields

    It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
    W. C. Fields

    It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
    W. C. Fields

    It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
    W. C. Fields

    Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
    W. C. Fields

    My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
    W. C. Fields

    Never give a sucker an even break.
    W. C. Fields

    On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
    W. C. Fields

    Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
    W. C. Fields

    Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
    W. C. Fields

    Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
    W. C. Fields

    Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
    W. C. Fields

    Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
    W. C. Fields

    Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
    W. C. Fields

    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
    W. C. Fields

    Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's.
    W. C. Fields

    The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
    W. C. Fields

    The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
    W. C. Fields

    There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
    W. C. Fields

    W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained.
    W. C. Fields

    Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
    W. C. Fields

    You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
    W. C. Fields
     
  2. FiremanBrad

    FiremanBrad New Member

    I KNOW that second one was written by dsg....lol
     

  3. Cburrows_tx

    Cburrows_tx New Member

    Nov 24, 2004
    Lamar Co. Texas
    Oh Good Greif this is gonna get bad!
     
  4. membergone

    membergone New Member

    Jan 17, 2004
    not on my part it ain't........you all are gonna be able to pick on DSG all you want here soon........cause he is gonna have to go soon. :bangin:
     
  5. rat

    rat Legbone

    Dec 13, 2005
    Sorry to bring up an old post.... but I just saw these and they are hilarious.

    That WC Fields... now, he is still alive right??
     
  6. JBMan

    JBMan New Member

    481
    Nov 16, 2004
    Jackson
    "what do you call a herniated China-man? One-Hung_Low"

    -DSG-:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


    i'll even give you the patent to that one!
     
  7. Underclocked

    Underclocked New Member

    Jan 27, 2003
    Greenfield, MO. USA
    He might be pickled...but I think he's long dead.

    Whar u goin' DSG?
     
  8. JBMan

    JBMan New Member

    481
    Nov 16, 2004
    Jackson
    I've always been crazy, but its kept me from goin insane

    good ole waylon
     
  9. FiremanBrad

    FiremanBrad New Member

    There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
    W. C. Fields


    Man, the story of my life!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. Mailman

    Mailman Well-Known Member

    Feb 2, 2005
    Blue Springs Mo
    Pot Stirrer.............:stirpot:

    I'm not playing............:pop:
     
  11. mrb

    mrb New Member

    Jun 6, 2002
    Moberly, Mo
    me neither.....:coolhat:
     
  12. Chairman

    Chairman Senior Member

    Dec 2, 2002
    Henry County
    I must\'a missed this one

    ...but those W.C. Fields quotes are hilarious! :rof2:
     
  13. 8 point

    8 point New Member

    Aug 4, 2004
    SW MO
    :hysterical::hysterical: I miss it to but they are good:cheers:
     
  14. 1FastCam

    1FastCam New Member

    Nov 25, 2002
    CT
    Uh oh Scettios.........:pop:
     
  15. Chairman

    Chairman Senior Member

    Dec 2, 2002
    Henry County

    :rof2::rof2::rof2:

    That brought back some memories! :hysterical:
     
  16. 1FastCam

    1FastCam New Member

    Nov 25, 2002
    CT
    :D Heard my godson say it tonight Chairman.....I laughed my butt off.:rof2:
     
  17. Chairman

    Chairman Senior Member

    Dec 2, 2002
    Henry County
    All I can say is, if I had a mouthfull of "Scettios" when I read your post, the "Scettios" would have been deposited all over my monitor...

    :hysterical:
     
  18. 1FastCam

    1FastCam New Member

    Nov 25, 2002
    CT
    :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: